Trauma is heavy. It often lingers in silence, shaping how we love, trust, and exist. I know this because I've lived it. Trauma doesn't just disappear with time; it settles deep, waiting to surface when emotions hit too close.
It creeps into relationships, disrupts moments meant to be happy with triggers, and replaces the security in building connections with fear of trusting too much. Healing isn't a one-time fix. Pain will find you again and again because life is unpredictable and it gets messy. People will hurt you, and you'll hurt people. It's part of being human. Healing is a revolving door, filled with all of the stages of grief. And if you don't learn how to unpack and release what weighs you down, you'll carry it with you, allowing it to suffocate you.
But you don't have to stay stagnant. You deserve to feel light and invite and embrace the life waiting for you. And that life starts with acknowledging your pain is there and ends with forgiving those who caused it—even if that person is you.
How to Face Your Trauma & Begin Healing
Trauma isn't just a memory—it's a shadow that follows you. Healing trauma wounds isn't easy, but it is necessary. It requires patience, courage to face yourself, and deep self-awareness. The past is part of you, but it doesn't define you.
1. Acknowledge Your Trauma (Without Shame)
• Stop shrinking your pain—it wasn't your fault if you knew no better! Even if it was your fault, the experiences that change us should be addressed, never dismissed.
• Allow your feelings to exist and validate them—your pain is real, and it matters. The more you hide or ignore your pain, the less likely you are to confront and release it.
• Understand that your past experiences shaped you, but they do not define you. You can still be the best version of yourself that you envision in your head.
Affirmation: "I acknowledge my past but refuse to live there. I allow myself to heal and grow, even when uncomfortable."
2. Identify the Patterns It Created: Questions to ask yourself..and answer!
• What bad habits are likely rooted in my pain? What is holding on tight to bad experiences doing for me? What does it look like in my life? Think and write it down.
• Notice how you react in relationships. Do you pull away to protect yourself or hold on too tightly out of fear of being left? What or who in your life caused you to create this defense mechanism? Do you plan to release it? If so, think about how.
• Pay attention to your decisions. Are you choosing things because they feel safe, or because they feel right? Why do you prefer what feels safe over what feels right? Is it serving you more harm than good?
• Be honest about how you see yourself. Do you shrink yourself to feel secure? Do you silence your voice to avoid rejection? Why? Think back to the first experience that caused that feeling of having to shrink or be silenced.
Affirmation: "I am not my pain. I am not my old patterns. Every day, I choose to learn, to grow, and to free myself from the chains of my past."
3. Process Your Emotions (Instead of Avoiding Them)
• Journal about your feelings and experiences. I'm telling you it helps release.
• Explore the idea of seeing a therapist or life coach to unpack in ways loved ones can't help you. Professionals have the tools you need to guide you through.
• Allow yourself to grieve what you lost, didn't receive, or had to endure. Each stage is going to look and feel different. Processing things doesn’t happen in one sitting and although it can be uncomfortable and frustrating, it’s necessary.
• Identify healthy ways to cope when your trauma does show up or when you are in the process of releasing it because it can be an emotional roller coaster. Take breaks as needed. I always do! That’s why it takes me 3 days to write a post :)
• Forgive the people who hurt you—forgiveness is never for them; it's always for you. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to give them access to your life. You're just no longer carrying around the weight of the pain they've inflicted.
Affirmation: "I release the pain that no longer serves me. I deserve peace."
4. Rebuild Your Self-Worth
• Stop seeking validation from people who don't see your value
• Learn to affirm your own worth—without external approval. Your worth isn’t measured through the lenses of another person’s eyes.
• Engage in self-care practices that reinforce love and respect for yourself.
• Accept when people prove they are incapable of supporting you and remove yourself.
Affirmation: "I am enough as I am. My worth is not determined by my past or another person."
5. Set Boundaries & Prioritize Your Well-Being
• Say "no" to what drains you. Strength and peace are what you'll cultivate.
• Surround yourself with people who uplift and respect you.
• Choose relationships that align with your healing, not your past wounds. Those are trauma bonds.
Affirmation: "I am always worthy of love, respect, and peace."
You Are More Than Your Trauma
Yes, healing is painful. Yes, confronting the past can be overwhelming. Yes, facing yourself can be triggering. But staying stuck in unhealed wounds? That pain is far greater and negatively impacts the trajectory of your life.
Your past may have shaped you, but it does not own you. It happened; it left marks, and it changed you. But you're more than what hurt you. You didn't choose what happened to you, but you can decide how you move forward. Healing isn't passive. You have to look at the things that broke you, really see them, process them, and then decide to release them because your trauma shouldn't be able to keep you.
Name what hurt, sit with it, then let it go—piece by piece. You deserve more than to live your life in survival mode.
Affirmation: "I am healing. I am growing. I am setting myself free."